There's a squirrel in my pants!!!!!

June 9, 2012 Please forgive all of these- they are horribly unedited and a little shameful for me to put out there. So- We bought a van today- visited my brother and sister in laws family- came home to relax...all in all a pretty darn good day. We were sitting on the couch lounging with the cat lying quietly at our feet when she jumped up, sprinted across the living room, stopped in the hallway with her back arched skywards cornering the worst unidentifiable shrieking noise I have heard in my life- so my first thought is, "No! which of our family pets just became dinner!!!!!????" My husband quickly sprung into action and streaked across the living room at lightening speed- identified the little brown blob in the corner- a flying squirrel and grabbed a blanket with the intent of throwing it over to cover it up. The plan failed. The cat jumped- the squirrel leapt, the husband yelled and the wife- eight months pregnant in a piece of clothing that is the only thing I can wear right now without catching fire at night that I think was once a piece of totally homely lingerie- was acting like a cross between a rabid gorilla and a line backer thinking my stance was somehow having more influence on corralling the little thing than the crazy wild eyed cat and the hollering husband. It went into the office- taking refuge under a huge lumbering armoire- with the kitten, Ashes, still trying to show off her mighty hunting skills and Bobby and I staring at each other with our mouths hanging open trying to figure out what exactly a squirrel was doing in our house- and how we could possibly capture it without getting scratched or bitten. We looked over to our eight year old sons room as an afterthought and saw him sitting calmly on his bunk bed, looking over the edge of a book like he thought the whole thing was just slightly amusing. We all three piled into the office- our son, Brayden, suggesting we use a squirrel trap- all of us having a part in the brilliantly devised plan to coral the squirrel into the corner using a stick, a fly swatter and a blanket as weapons- a beach themed chest, a Pottery Barn anywhere chair and Mickey Mouse riding train to create the perfect pathway of entrapment for our new little friend. This went on for about 30 minutes. We'd sweep. We'd look. We'd think. We'd question. We'd reevaluate. We'd determine there was no better way to catch it and we'd start all over. This was all good until I realized the squirrel had barreled right through our perfect coral into a tiny nook just next to the rectangular squirrel cage and was three seconds away from escaping into the house through a tiny hole underneath the tropical chest and the pink polka dot kids chair to un-contained freedom. I moved, the squirrel ran, we started sweeping again and then realized it was resting next to Bobby's foot- which moved just in time to startle the squirrel into latching onto Bobby's leg for comfort before it realized Bobby was not a tree- prompting it to propel itself in my direction- running up the leopard print rain boots I'd put on for protection (yes- they went well with my fat girl lingerie) and across the room until it disappeared behind a ten foot bookshelf that runs the length of the opposite wall from where we had been. Brayden was now standing on top of a file cabinet, Bobby had been chasing after it with what is in actuality a large fish net, but in the way he was using it was a little reminiscent of a butterfly net- and I was still standing in the corner- slowly recovering from having jumped about ten feet high and shaking my leg about as hard as it would go a moment earlier when it had been running up my body like a telephone pole. Brilliance struck. We opened the window- got our fish net and stick, swept along the back of the bookshelf and Bobby very bravely swatted the thing out of the window onto the front porch- where I hope a neighbor at least was watching. Comedy like that shouldn't go unseen. Bent curtain rod used as a sweeping pole- $5. Pregnant wife in a frumpy nightgown and leopard print rain boots- funny. The exuberance of success- Priceless...